brain farts.

I found this image a few days ago and instantly felt a connection to the quote. 

I'm sure as hell I'm not alone in the viscous circle of self-doubt and self-hate that making art creates and sometimes you just need to see, to discover an image like this to make you stop and think. 

I, for one, have always been so shy and insecure about my art; I get awkward discussing it with people, I'd rather hide my face in a pillow and not look the person in the eye than stand there, chin up and chest out whilst they scrutinise it. It feels like such an invasion of privacy, being asked "can I look at what you're doing?". It's something I felt I could never get over, like a foreign policy I'd never quite understand. 

Over time, this foreign policy has become something more of a second nature to me. I broke my comfort zone by putting myself in a situation (I.e, a coffee shop, a public space) where I couldn't get away from people looking at my work, glancing over in curiosity or gawping at the strangeness of seeing someone sat in the corner staring back at them, breaking contact to make a few marks on a page. 

I've had people leave me notes scrawled on a napkin, I've had strangers introduce themselves and compliment my work, I've had people sat next to me and nudge me to show a Facebook post they've created about watching me draw. I faced my fear head on and ended up reaping the rewards from it. A compliment in any context is a big deal, and I would never have received them if I didn't force myself to be uncomfortable for a while.  

They say fear of the name increases fear of the thing it's self - introducing myself as an artist to anyone who asks what I'm doing has always been a scary thing to me. Thoughts run through my mind like "yeah but this isn't really art" and "yeah I have an art degree but that doesn't give me the title of an artist" but what is so scary about giving yourself that title? Yes, I AM an artist. I make art. A writer can call himself an artist, why can't i? We both create something, we are both creative in our own forms, so why can't I believe I'm an artist? There isn't any reason I can't. I attached a stigma to the name and that stigma increased my fear.  

Instead of worrying about what everyone else thinks now, I stand up for my art. Before I would roll over and take the criticism, beating myself up because it isn't 'good' art, I can't make a business out of it or I can't enter the industry with it. I believed only REAL artists got their work published, exhibited, paid for and recognised - but in reality, that isn't the case. 

Sure, there are more successful artists out there, and there are less sucsessful ones, but at the end of the day, we all fall under the same title, the same umbrella. We create art because we love it, we live it and breathe it. If you get paid for it, even better. But for me, I'm happy to receive hastily scrawled notes and the occasional weird stare. For me, that is payment enough. 

When I see quotes like this, it strengthens my belief that I can continue to battle my inner 'art' demons and just... Get it done.

(I can't remember where I found the image, so credit where credit is due.